Touch Me Tender
by Flynne
Summary: It can't be called a "guilty" pleasure unless everybody knows about it. "Oh Leeeeeoooooo?" Mikey's singsong voice drifted into the kitchen. "What's thiiiiiiiiiis?" Leo's eyes snapped wide. "Where did you get that?"


_I wrote this story after someone anonymously prompted me with the title. Not sure if what this is what they had in mind or not - I would feel like I owe them (and Leo) an apology...but I have no regrets. _:3

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Touch Me Tender

Leo stuffed a chocolate chip cookie in his mouth, picked up a second cookie in one hand, and scooped up his mug of tea in the other.

"Oh, Leeeeooooo?" Mikey's singsong voice drifted into the kitchen.

"Hmm?"

Mikey poked his head through the door. "What's thiiiiiiiis?"

Leo saw the paperback book in Mikey's hand and froze. His eyes snapped wide open as he sucked in a startled breath, and he immediately started coughing when cookie crumbs went down his windpipe. Mikey's impish grin was blurred as his eyes watered, but Leo could practically _feel _the waves of smugness radiating from him.

The cookie in his mouth fell to the floor as he struggled to talk. "Where did you - " He had to pause for another coughing fit. "Where did you get that?" The words _Touch Me Tender_ were emblazoned on the cover of the book in dainty, curling script. The title arched over the figure of a woman with long flowing hair leaning sensuously against a stern-faced man wielding a sword.

"Laundry day, dude. I went in your room to get your sheets." Mikey's teasing grin only got bigger as he waggled the book in his hand. "Under your pillow isn't exactly a good hiding place."

"I wasn't _hiding _it, I was just - " He let out an annoyed little huff. "Mikey, would you just give me the book?"

Mikey, still grinning, came all the way into the kitchen but made no move to hand it over. "Where'd you get it?"

"April gave it to me. She thought I might like it." Leo awkwardly shifted his remaining cookie into the hand that held the mug and reached for the book. "Will you just give it to me, please?"

Mikey made a mock-thoughtful face, stroking his chin as he looked down at the cover. "Gee, I dunno, Leo. I'm not sure this is appropriate reading material."

"Mikey…!" Leo bit off his impatient exclamation, lowering the volume of his voice. He set his mug and cookie on the kitchen table. "Just give me the book? If Raph sees it he'll - "

"Yo, did I hear my name?"

Leo cringed. He hadn't heard the elevator descend out in the main lair. Raph and Don had been up in the garage for hours, working on the battle shell, but apparently they'd finished just in time to walk in on Mikey's discovery. They wandered into the kitchen, grease-stained and smiling - Don with friendly curiosity, and Raph with the predatory grin of a shark scenting a hint of blood in the water.

"What's goin' on, Mikey?" Raph asked.

"Leo and I were just discussing literature."

"Oh, really?" Raph drawled. He folded his arms across his chest. "What'cha got there?"

Mikey cleared his throat theatrically before reading the summary on the back of the book. "_Touch Me Tender_ \- A sweeping drama of an orphaned shepherdess who meets a rogue swordsman with a dark secret. Will the sunshine of her love be enough to chase away the shadows of his past?"

By the time Mikey was finished reading, both Raph and Don were in stitches. Leo sighed heavily and buried his face in his hands.

"Wow, Leo," Don said, trying to rein in his mirth, "that's a bit of a departure from _The Art of War_."

"April gave it to me," he said again, voice muffled by his hands.

"Oh, now, it's not very gallant of you to try to shift the blame onto a lady," Mikey said laughingly.

"No, it isn't - I'm not - " Leo's brothers laughed even harder at his stammering, and his aggravation allowed himself to pull himself together a bit. "She thought I'd like the story," he said, trying not to sound defensive but well aware he was failing miserably. "Since I liked _The Scarlet Pimpernel_ she thought I'd like this one. It's about a swordsman who travels around helping villages on his way while trying to track down the dark crusader who murdered his clan."

"That ain't _all_ it's about," Raph said, grinning with malicious delight. His hand shot out and snatched the paperback from Mikey, ignoring his brother's offended squawk. He flipped open the book and began to read. "The evening breeze caressed Constance's hair like gentle fingers, and the rays of the setting sun gleamed like fire on the scabbard of Roland's sword." He smirked and raised a brow ridge. "Roland?"

Leo lunged forward and made a grab for the book, but Raph anticipated him and darted around to the far side of the kitchen table. "Hand in hand, they made their way to the barn. Constance's heart fluttered like a trapped starling as she led Roland to the hayloft where - " He paused, fumbling a bit with the book. "Hey, these pages are stuck together."

Leo felt his face grow hot. "I didn't want to read that part. I taped the pages together."

There was a brief pause before all three of his brothers burst into fresh gales of laughter. Don steadied himself with one hand on the table as he wiped tears from his eyes. Raph bent double, bracing himself up with a hand on his knee as he staggered, and Mikey actually lost his footing and plopped down to sit on the floor.

"Wait. Wait," Mikey gasped, throwing a hand out to catch hold of Leo's wrist. "You taped the pages together?"

"Yes, I did," came the flustered reply. Leo took a step back and tried to shake Mikey off, but despite being weak from laughter, his grip may as well have been an iron manacle.

"That's adorable!" Don squeaked.

"I can't believe you defaced April's book just 'cause you got embarrassed," Mikey cackled.

"I wouldn't do that! She didn't give me her copy. She finds stuff for me at the used book store."

Raph lifted his head. "You mean there's other books?"

Leo did his best to look dignified, but the embarrassed flush to his face - and his subtle squirming attempts to pull his arm away from Mikey - completely ruined the effect. "You _know_ there are other books. Last month she gave me that copy of _Ivanhoe_, remember?"

"That ain't what I meant, and you _know_ it," Raph answered, grinning in wicked enjoyment of Leo's agitation.

"Well, your dark secret's out now, Leo," Don managed to say.

"Next think you know, he'll be sitting with Master Splinter every afternoon in a robe and slippers to watch stories together," Raph said.

"Don't worry, Leo," Mikey said, still laughing. "We won't judge."

"Raph will," Don put in, at the same time Raph said, "Oh, _I _will." The two of them looked at each other and broke out laughing again. Raph slumped over and grabbed hold of Don's shoulder to keep himself upright.

"Hey now," Mikey said, swallowing his laughter and trying to catch his breath. "Raphie, don't be too hard on the guy. Leo didn't make a peep when you picked up knitting as a hobby."

"Hey." Even through his laughter, Raph still managed to growl. "It ain't a 'hobby'. It's a hand flexibility thing."

"With the added bonus of whimsical yet practical tea cozies," Don put in. Mikey snorted, and Raph punched Don in the shoulder.

There was a brief lull in the hilarity, during which Mikey used Leo's arm and belt to haul himself hand-over-hand to his feet. He let out a little "Wooo!" under his breath, wiping his hand over his face. The quiet was broken when Don sputtered, giggled, and started laughing again.

"Don, really?" Leo asked, giving his brother a long-suffering look.

"I'm sorry," Don wheezed. "It's just that I keep picturing this secret bookshelf you've got stashed somewhere, stocked with trashy romance novels, all with little chunks of pages taped together…" He trailed off into helpless laughter.

Leo's mouth firmed. He slipped past Mikey and plucked the book from Raph's hand, then walked silently out of the kitchen.

"Aw, don't be like that!" Raph called after him. "Come back, Rolandnardo!" Mikey choked out a chiding "Raphie!" through his cackling, but any following words were lost in the laughter as Leo strode purposely from the lair, heading for April's.

Leo told her what had happened, of course; he decided he'd rather tell her himself than have his brothers (Raph) tell her later.

April did her best to keep a straight face. She really did. But long before he'd finished talking, her face began to twitch, and when Leo told her about how he'd altered the books, she broke down completely, sagging back against the couch with her arms folded across her stomach. Leo sat next to her, arms crossed loosely over his chest, calmly waiting for her to catch her breath.

"Oh, Leo, I'm sorry!" she finally managed to say, wiping tears of laughter from her eyes. One look at his face nearly sent her over the edge again - she couldn't ever remember seeing Leo pout before, but the set of his mouth and the aggrieved look on his face was coming awfully close. "Aw, come on," she said, jostling his shoulder. "Even _you _have to admit that what you did was funny."

One side of his mouth lifted in a grudging smile. "Okay, maybe. I just wish Raph hadn't found out about it."

April smirked. "Well, you tell him if he gives you too much of a hard time, I'll quit buying him yarn."

Leo actually chuckled at that. "I'll pass that along."

"I hope this doesn't mean I'm going to lose my Harlequin romance buddy. I don't know anyone else who'll read them with me."

Leo gave her a sideways smile. "If you promise not to call me your 'Harlequin romance buddy' ever again, I will continue to accept book recommendations from you."

She laughed again. "Fair enough."

Leo stayed at April's until it got dark, then climbed out her fire escape and spent a few hours running across rooftops before heading back home. He cringed just a little as he entered the lair, but Raph and Mikey were nowhere to be seen. The faint scent of smoke was in the air, which told him Donatello was probably working on something...but Leo had long since learned to smell the difference between Good Burning and Bad Burning, and this didn't seem to be cause for concern.

He made his way to his room without running into any of his family, and closed the door behind him before switching on the light. The first thing he noticed was that clean sheets had been put on his bed, which was unusual because Mikey usually just dumped the clean laundry on a pile in the middle of his mattress and let him fend for himself.

The second thing he noticed was that a brown paper bag had been left in the middle of his bed. He saw "Rolandnardo" written on the bag in Raph's scrawl, but the word had been crossed out and Mikey had scribbled "Leo" underneath it. Leo cautiously picked up the bag and reached inside. He pulled out two paperbacks with tattered covers. One was _The Passion of Countess Emmeline_ and the other was _Tryst at Midnight_. Just by looking at the covers, he knew they'd be awful - even April wouldn't pick these out for him to read - and they didn't smell very good, either. Leo rolled his eyes. He'd be willing to bet his brothers had headed straight for the city dump and grabbed the first books they could find.

The bag wasn't empty, though. He upended it and a few rolls of double-sided tape tumbled out of the bag. One of the rolls of tape had a piece of paper folded around it. Leo picked it up to read a note in Don's neat handwriting: _We got you the good stuff._

Alone in his room, Leo started to laugh.


End file.
